How Can I Support My Child Through a Divorce?
This list of resources is designed to get parents and caregivers started when it comes to supporting their child through the changes that comes with experiencing the divorce of their parents.
Children’s Books
- Dinosaur Divorce by Marc Brown (straightforward, illustrations, gives examples of
different situations, feelings, etc.) Watch Read Aloud on YouTube
- A Kids Book About Divorce by Ashley Simpo (Very informative, breaks down difficult
concepts in a way kids can understand). Watch Read Aloud on YouTube
- Mum and Dad Glue by Kes Gray (more abstract, metaphor, illustrations) Watch Read Aloud on YouTube
YouTube videos for kids:
- Split (very short video that interviews kids who have experienced parents’ divorce)
Resources for Parents:
- Book: How to Talk to Your Kids about Your Divorce: Healthy, Effective Communication
Techniques for Your Changing Family by Samantha Rodman
- Book: The Co-Parenting Handbook: Raising Well-Adjusted and Resilient Kids from Little
Ones to Young Adults through Dirvorce and Separation by Karen Bennell
- Sesame Workshop (resources for both caregivers and children on divorce)
How to I tell my child about our divorce?
- Remember to focus on providing your child with information that is truthful, honest,
and straightforward, while also developmentally appropriate. This means you do not
want to “sugar coat” what you tell them about divorce (“Mommy and daddy are living
away from each other for a little while”) but instead should be direct (“Mommy and
daddy are getting divorced. Divorce means we will no longer be married. We will not be
getting back together.”) However, this does not mean that you need to give them every
detail or bring them into adult conversations or topics. The way you talk about divorce
with a 3 year old will be different from how you talk about it with a 12 year old. You
should keep in mind where they are developmentally while still being truthful.
- Children thrive on consistency, routine, and predictability, especially when experiencing
big changes or transitions in their lives. It can be helpful to establish routines for before,
after, and during visits at the other parent’s house. For example, you may have a special
goodbye handshake that you do when you drop them off. You may have a phone call
scheduled at a specific day/time when they are at the other parent’s house. You may
have a special activity you do together upon transitioning back from the other parent’s
house (movie and popcorn night, family game night, etc.)
- When transitioning back from the other parent’s house, it can be helpful to place low
demands on your child. They may be exhausted or have trouble transitioning. It may not
be the best time for homework time, immediately going to school, chores, etc.
- Asking your child questions can be helpful when they are regulated (able to access their
“thinking brain”) but can be perceived as a demand/threat when they are dysregulated.
Sometimes it can be more helpful to identify possible feelings rather than asking them
questions (“This is a really big change. I can imagine you might be feeling confused,
scared, or sad. All of those feelings make sense.”) You can offer a safe space for them to
come to you instead (“I am here to listen if you ever want to talk about the divorce. You
can ask me any questions you have.”) (However, every kid is different! Some do great
with questions).
- A visual schedule can be a helpful way to establish routine and predictability.
Remember, there is no “one size fits all” and the way your child needs to process this change
may look different from their sibling, friend, etc.
